I guess the feeling that there needs to be a purpose, that there has to be a “goal.” I struggle with days off work, because I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. I worry that I’m a failure across my life, I don’t know what it means to have done my life “right.”
I let my license lapse. I’m really worried about getting a dui because it stays in the system so long, and I feel like as a trans person cops would look for any excuse. It did help a lot when I did get high every day.
I just wish my brain would say, “you worked a full shift at work. It is okay to eat a pizza and watch Star Trek. There isn’t anything else you need to be doing.”