Easy to mess up, hard to maintain.

Eugene is in the Wallamette Valley and is a historically progressive city (despite it’s origins), especially for LGBTQ+ people and communities. It’s home to the University of Oregon which has a fairly diverse student body and faculty. Lots of “everybody is welcome” signs in shop windows, “hate has no home here” signs in people’s yards.

Hop across the river and you’re in Springfield, which is another story. Kind of a Tale of Two Cities thing. Much less wealth along with all the problems that tend to follow.

The situation OP predicted wasn’t the one where she asks up front.

This play is regarded as a common ploy.

I grew up with narcissists who understood the theater of arguing. If you act offended enough, there’s a good chance you can convince bystanders the other person did something wrong. But you have to seize the narrative. That part is already mostly done, so all it takes to fan flames is to throw tantrums.