Capsule makes contact with the water at around 20mph.

Oh I can think of lots worse.

I’m sending this to my ex next time I wanna hook up:

Never, ever try and engage these people on their terms, for example, by trying to “challenge” them with counter arguments. They already have a whole script of replies ready for anything like that, designed to drag you down to his level of bad-faith bickering.

Instead, simply call out to their face what they actually are. These are bad-faith actors there for the sole purpose of undermining social cohesion by creating a false dichotomy between science and religion. They are not the only reason we are so divided but they are a large one. Tell them that. Don’t let them respond. Don’t give them questions to answer. Just keep pressing, stating what they are, to them, and to everyone who’s stopping to listen. Humiliate them by presenting them to the public as the cancer to society that they are.

I certainly am.

Me to my mom

Now now, we don’t body shame.

I draw inspiration from my boss, who is way more resourceful than he gives himself credit for. If our project manager comes out and says we need to figure out how to degoombulate a whatsit, he will (after ten minutes of bitching) go into his junk drawer of rods, shims, and c clamps, and fashion together the best damn whatsit degoombulator you ever saw.

If the tool 1) accomplishes the task and 2) doesn’t fuck up what you’re using it on, it’s the right tool.

This is basically the entire premise for Adventure Time.

Except after we fart the instinks officially become outstinks. And I’m not following my outstinks.

Imagine, if you will, this bitter, hateful collection of skin folds wedged into her motorized chair, wheezing, tossing the oxygen hose back over her shoulder while her fat little unmanicured thumbs angrily throw themselves at the mucous-stained phone screen…over and over and over…like little raging marinara-covered kamikaze pilots, with little to no regard for spelling, grammar, or hygiene. The phone makes its best effort to autocorrect the jumbled barrage of entitlement being ejaculated into it, but in reality, it just wants to die - just like her husband.

I would hope the 911 dispatcher either hung up on her or ripped into her for trying to waste emergency resources on petty bullshit. Isn’t that a charge?

Well that’s bullshit.

Wait, what are Peak Horny Hours???

Somewhere in a rural county in South Carolina, a man was sitting in his trailer, saw this, grabbed his rifle, locked and loaded, and got into his Armageddon bunker, where he’s now drinking a Coors Lite and testing out his radio equipment.

Fun fact: Shortly after this photo was taken, the girl was attacked and devoured by the Bat Boy-faced puma following her.

I heard something about the Artemis crew having waste disposal system issues too, but all I could find about it was a bunch of clickbaity YouTube videos and I refuse to watch those.