likely in response to my comments on the beehaw post, which i linked to (hopefully im doing this right?). apparently, calling people you dont know for the first time “they/them” before being told their pronouns is “misgendering”. absurd. this kind of attitude threatens the larger LGBTQ community and is partially why cishets hate us after we won so much progress back in the 00s and 10s.
im a queer person. im neurodivergent. this shit is so goddamn fucking annoying, especially as an older queer who got physically assaulted on a near daily basis for being queer in the 90s. the kids today get their panties in a twist over being supposedly “misgendered” by someone calling them gender neutral pronouns before being corrected. narcissistic victimhood bullshit.
anyways, now banned from one of my favorite instances. meanwhile in the US theyre planning on hunting us. but yeah, lets ban fellow queers over their view that people who get mad about being “misgendered” when they arent (cis people are also referred to as “they/them” before further context in a conversation with a stranger) are just attention seeking brats that threaten the larger movement. its so obvious to me that the brats who find reason to be offended over innocent pronoun use never faced real adversity, like getting repeatedly physically beaten.
edit - the best part of all of this is i faced no moderation from beehaw and all of my comments are +1 or higher. power tripping oversensitive neurodivergent hating bastard of a mod over at blahaj IMO.
edit 2 - did this wrong. heres a link to the post i think got me banned from blahaj and a screenshot about it https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/37659465
Edit 3 - apparently I did nothing wrong until I made my thoughts known about how the pronoun police fucked over the larger LGBTQ community as our rights are backsliding in America. Yall are gonna whine about being misgendered to the concentration camp guards at the rate we’re going. God forbid I be angry that while queers were busy fighting over pronouns our adversaries stuffed the courts, stuffed the school boards, couped the government, and are installing a fascist dictatorship. When I say that these fucking toddlers are going to learn what real oppression tastes like, that’s what I mean. It’s not that I want us to be hurt or oppressed (as the dog piling idiots have interpreted), it’s that the younger generation is weak as hell and lost the fucking plot in the fight for our rights. I grew up getting beaten in the streets for being queer only for these kids to claim their pronouns not being mind-read is oppression!
Damn, this is a trip
This is both PTB and YDI.
The blanket bans on a different instance is definitely overkill, which points right to a power trip. If it had been one or two, maybe it could be dismissed, but that many? Nah, that’s fucking crazy.
But you were being a dick all up and down that thread.
Now, I want you to stop for a second. See what I just said? What are you thinking and feeling right this second, after reading it.
Go back to the thread you linked. Reread what you wrote with whatever reaction you had to me saying you were being a dick in your mind. See all those places where you were projecting that anyone that might object to your pronoun usage were being lesser because of it? Yeah, you were essentially just saying they would be dicks, and that you were better than them.
Now, it doesn’t really matter whether point has any validity. It could have been relevant, but you were ranting all throughout the thread. When someone does that, they have to understand that it could come with consequences. That the consequences were far out of line is a separate issue.
Now, fwiw, I actually partially agree with your premise, though the way you express it, and the details of your reasoning behind it are not good. Particularly the part about why “cishets hate us”. I get why you might think that, but it simply doesn’t match the words and actions of the bigots.
Basically, you took a pet peeve, went on a rant and it was tangential to the actual post. I’m surprised the ban wasn’t from beehaw, they tend to frown on that degree of venom from anyone.
But, again, despite you deserving something for running around foaming at the mouth digitally, the blanket bans are way out of line too
I think this is a fair perspective to take. FWIW, Blahaj being the #1 trans-inclusive and welcoming instance, and the fact that they generally do a really good job of keeping transphobia and hate out, does make me give them some leeway. (Like, maybe OP could have just apologized? It’s not hard.)
But also, yeah, I recognize that a more traditional approach to moderation makes this look heavy-handed.
“Foaming at the mouth”
The only ones foaming at the mouth are overprivileged piss baby queers who get OfFeNdEd that they were “misgendered” by a stranger calling them “they” for the first time upon meeting. Aka USING ENGLISH THE WAY ENGLISH WORKS. Not misgendering, not deadnaming, not being intentionally offensive.
Fucking piss baby queers that have never faced any real adversity and their whiny behavior threatens us all.
As someone who was physically assaulted my entire childhood for being queer only to watch this younger generation piss away all that we fought for over fucking PRONOUNS is fucking offensive. They have zero respect for the queers who fought the real fight before them.
As a cis lesbian who’s gender nonconforming, I’ve spent years putting up with their pronoun based faux “oppression” temper tantrums out of an effort to be “accepting” only to watch larger society completely flip on us. Their “fight” makes a mockery out of what came before them. Now we’re under serious physical threat again but yeah, let’s go be pronoun police finding things to get offended by that make us feel important (main character syndrome, thanks iPad babies) rather than fight actual fucking oppression.
You misunderstood the entire post it looks like.
OP asks the question “what if I know or have been introduced to the person’s pronouns but forget?” This is visible in OP’s own admission: “I am terrible at remembering people’s pronouns.”
Someone responded with slight misunderstanding or perhaps inclarity essentially saying “if you misgender someone you might seem bigoted.”
Then instead of giving any good faith or asking for clarification, you responded with very high toxicity.
Now, I can see that you misunderstood and thought the conversation was about people you don’t know, but your response was very inappropriate and normalizing of hate, using phrases like “For fucks sake this is why the heteros hate us. Younger queers need faux outrage to feel important.” Even the beehaw mod gave you a reprimand.
That behavior and escalation of the conversation is terribly toxic and I do not blame blahaj for not giving you an in depth benefit-of-the-doubt investigation before deciding they didn’t want that behavior.
Verdict: YDI but I get how this misunderstanding happened. My suggestion:
- Reread the post and your comments.
- Acknowledge your misunderstanding and apologize to the person you were toxic to.
- Apologize and clarify the misunderstanding to blahaj.
- Work on your deescalation skills.
So. Funny. About the downvotes. Read the post, people. I’m not trying to attack, it’s literally an obvious misunderstanding that I’m trying to lend clarity to. Behold two entirely different conversations:
@schleudersturz@beehaw.org When I see people I know, I can remember who they are, what we have done together, where we have been, what we have seen and even the tone of voice they might use to exclaim at an occurrence or upon some eventuality but – yet – I often cannot remember their names. Pronouns are like parts of their names. And, so, I tend to address everyone with “they” / “them”.
@inv3r5ion@lemmy.dbzer0.com apparently, calling people you dont know for the first time “they/them” before being told their pronouns is “misgendering”.
“People you don’t know” versus “people you know”
Obvious misunderstanding. It’s all laid out for you if you open your eyes lmao.
Those aren’t in direct response to each other, but the disingenuousness of it is rather typical of your posting.
Oh yeah quote where I said they were direct responses or that that was relevant in any way?
Straight to the insult too. Glad you left the places I frequent you just fell off and got really mean.
Oh yeah quote where I said they were direct responses or that that was relevant in any way?
Oh, so you were just quoting those two statements as completely irrelevant to one another, just a little trivia in your comment added for aesthetic appeal that wasn’t meant to be relevant to your claim at all, cool cool cool. Very likely.
Straight to the insult too. Glad you left the places I frequent you just fell off and got really mean.
I was patient with you previously because I felt that you were generally ideologically aligned; after a few arguments, I realized we were ideologically aligned, but that what I originally perceived as a lack of perceptiveness online (itself not uncommon) was actually complete disingenuity in the same vein of conservatives who play stupid.
Didn’t you say you were blocking me, btw?
i’m just here to clarify misunderstandings. i’m a very forgiving person so yeah maybe if i blocked you i did a block purge i don’t remember. :)
i’m just here to clarify misunderstandings.
By deliberately misrepresenting evidence? What an interesting method of clarification.
