I have ADHD, and my therapist has confirmed it, just like the results of ADHD tests. He isn’t bad, he greatly helps me with my depression. However, he doesn’t provide an official diagnosis nor prescribe pills.
He says it’s my trait and that I should learn to live with it. Like, take more breaks, find a motivation. Easy to say, hard to do. I can’t keep up with the strategies he suggests, and I feel like I’m not trying hard enough.
The world doesn’t wait for me. This trait is ruining my work and my routine, and it’s stealing my money and my time. I can’t start tasks, I can’t concentrate, and I can’t do anything boring or unpleasant.
For example, I can stare at a wall in the middle of a work task, with my hand over the keyboard, and lose myself in thoughts about my hobby. And I don’t give a damn at this moment about all my reminders, the absence of irritants, and so on.
Of course, sometimes I can force myself “just to do it”, but it costs a ton of energy (btw, because of my depression, I have a tiny amount of energy). It often requires a ton of luck, too.
Is this normal? Am I just complaining?
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People often need to try multiple doctors before one clicks and their ability to help aligns with what you need.
Clearly this therapist cannot help you with ADHD. I don’t think it’s a bad perspective that these are still traits and we do need to learn to live with them but I would still suggest a new one if possible.
Many of us need medication to adhere to modern society productivity requirements and that is literally not our fault.
You’ve gotten some good answers but I’ll add my few cents and I think it mirrors some of the other comments but maybe it’ll help hearing it in a different way. Yes, you do need to “learn to live with it”, in that, you need to be able to recognize how it affects you and those around you and you need to take action to minimize the negative effects. The recognizing and taking action part is the part that a qualified therapist, with a background in ADHD, should help you.
The Last Podcast on the Left guys have a good quote for mental health issues, “It’s not your fault but it is your problem”
Yes, you need to learn to “live with it” but your therapist should be able and willing to assist/support you in that. That being said, you probably need a different therapist, at least for help with ADHD.
I’m getting a lot of help from medication, but I have waaay too much anxiety to take a proper stimulant, so I take an SNRI instead which has the added benefit of not requiring jumping through a bunch of hoops every month to get (as you say, hard with ADHD). You do also need to understand that medication will NOT replace the need to learn coping mechanisms, but it may make it easier to do so. It probably is worth finding someone willing to use medication.
i “just dealt with it” for 3 decades, but finally getting medication has been a huge help. your therapist can’t prescribe medication, a psychiatrist has to do that. see if you can get a referral.
Thanks for the experience. In our country, both therapists and psychiatrists can prescribe medications
If he is saying ADHD is your trait, then you absolutely should learn to live with it because it’s not going away. Medication is one way of helping yourself live with it, but ADHD itself can’t really be treated the way depression can. It’s how your brain is hardwired. I recommend surrounding yourself with people who are similar to you or at least educated about it.
As someone with ADHD, there is a line where a ‘trait’ becomes detrimental. If it’s keeping you from doing your best, or from holding down a good job, it’s not a trait you should just live with. That’s the line where a trait becomes a symptom of illness, that should be treated.
He sounds like he literally doesn’t have the ability to give you the treatment you need. At that point he should refer you to someone that can, not just make excuses.
You need real treatment, which will require medication. You can’t just therapy your way out of a disability, which is what ADHD is classified as
Thank you. I had my suspicions that he just didn’t know how to work with it, but he was a doctor, and I wasn’t, so I doubted it
One of the greatest lessons I learned in life, which actually took me decades, is to realize that not all doctors are a good at their jobs. In fact, in my experience, most of them are not. Once you realize that, and start doing some research, and start questioning what they’re telling you, and start thinking critically about what they’re telling you, you start to realize when it’s time to find a new doctor.
For mental health that means he’s a psychologist, or some other ‘ologist’, or therapist. You may need a psychiatrist, which can actually prescribe meditation.
I usually prefer a psychologist who works with, or under a psychiatrist, in the same office. Then the transition becomes more seamless
Teaching self-acceptance is generally fine, but I feel like in this case, this is a cop-out and the person isn’t able to provide the help and support you require.
My related experience (trigger warning):
I’ve run into this issue myself with my adult autism diagnosis - providers refused to provide a diagnosis or provide me a pathway to receive an evaluation from somebody qualified to do so. Even when I needed accommodations for college, they just sat silent, refused to address my concerns, and quickly changed subjects.
Turns out I do have autism, and they were just barriers to me accessing diagnosis and all the benefits that come with it. I likely have ADHD as well, but none of these providers gave a shit. They just focused on my anxiety and tried to reason me out of my state, focused on having me changing my behaviors and reactions (mask even harder), gaslit me into accepting that I’m causing people to traumatize me and letting myself be traumatized, and so forth. I was already high-masking, but I desperately needed supports and they had nothing to offer. They acted as if my high-masking appearance was my baseline and the anxiety was the inhibitor - which cause me an immense amount of harm. They also refused to address my significant trauma history and PTSD.
Find someone else who is qualified in ADHD and don’t get fucked around like I did.
I understand. I was once refused a diagnosis of pneumonia because “people don’t breathe like that with pneumonia.” It turned out that I had pneumonia, and I spent a month in the hospital
Yeah, it’s pretty crazy what can happen.
Also related, as a young child, I had very severe breathing problems - but no wheezing. Turns out I have an atypical presentation of asthma (like cough-variant asthma or silent asthma) and I was nearly dying for over a year before the doctor referred me to an asthma and allergy specialist and admitted they couldn’t help me to my parents.
I get it, going through all that education, training, and practice is worthy of recognition, but the best doctor knows their limits and passes you along to someone who is equipped and specialized.
I think that it’s great that you posted here and I hope things get better for you!
If your therapist is not working for you, it is time to get a new therapist.
Is he a psychiatrist who can prescribe meds, or just a therapist?
He is a therapist AND can prescribe medications. That’s how it works here
Then either he doesn’t know much about ADHD, or he isn’t qualified. Either way, he’s doing you a disservice with what he’s telling you.
No it is not ok, if that is the justification the therapist is giving to not to provide you with the medicine you need.
Unless OP is referring to a MD psychiatrist, their therapist literally can’t prescribe medication
It sounds more like you’re not listening to what your doctor is actually saying and just hearing what you want to…
He won’t diagnose you with ADHD, because he does not believe you meet the diagnosis criteria.
just like the results of ADHD tests
Do you mean online quizs? Those are a waste of the 15 minutes they take.
If you took a bunch of online quiz’s that say ADHD, and you keep badgering for a diagnosis, a common conversation would be: “you have some traits of this condition, but not the condition”.
You however are talking like it’s a trait you picked in a rpg character creation screen.
Is this normal?
Yes, what you described is called “day dreaming” in America.
But if you disagree with your doctor, you get a second opnion from another doctor, not give a one sided description online and hope people reinforce your beliefs instead of assuming the medical professional knows more than you said in three paragraphs…
I have ADHD, and my therapist has confirmed it
He says it’s my trait and that I should learn to live with it.
Sounds like you aren’t listening to OP and just hearing what you want to.
