(based on a true story)
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I like to call this the “professional” tone, because it’s exactly what those in professions like lawyers, accountants, doctors, etc do, especially if they have problematic clients.
Your job is to advise, not to actually change people. You really need to repeatedly ask them guiding questions. If they are unreceptive of authority, then you need to make them feel as if they arrived at the conclusion themselves (management consults are experts at this).
This does not mean you need to be a pushover; in fact you need to remain calm, and firm.
This is the approach that has been scientifically proven to work, most recently in convincing anti vaxxers.
How to speak to a vaccine sceptic: research reveals what works - https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-025-01771-z
Someone in a profession with difficult clients described their job to me as basically being a babysitter for overgrown children, which I think is a very healthy way to mentally cope, process, and approach such situations.
This is the sort of thing that needs copy-pasta’d!
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Thank you. It’s always unfortunate when people try to logic people out of positions that didn’t logic themselves into. I used to do things like that, but it’d probably be riskier to try now with my current outward identity. Even if I get them to listen to a brown woman, I’m also trans and bi which could easily shut them out if I conceal it, and would make me even harder to approach if I don’t. I hope others can do it for me.
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You’re entirely right about the importance of context. I grew up the opposite of conservative, yet I’ve learned very similar lessons. When you’re on relatively equal footing with shared goals, most can become your friend. When there are power dynamics and the perception of a zero sum game, most can become your enemy. I’ve long been a person who seeks out those who are most opposed to my way of thinking, and I’ve never regretted being friendly with and understanding those people.
At the same time, getting into such neutral conditions is harder than ever for me, as the barriers get put up long before I show up. It’s not actual conversations that hold me back, but getting there in the first place. Whenever I come across a conservative I can approach, I always make sure to talk with them.
THANK YOU for making this the first logical comment I’ve seen on Lemmy for a while. THIS IS THE WAY!
“But life being unfair is how I can justify hurting people who are at a disadvantage relative to me!”
Alternatively, “making life more fair would be unfair to those who don’t benefit from more fairness.”
So simple and correct.
“If we did that, then I’d need to come up with another excuse for being a sack of shit!”
No. I want it to be shitty for everyone because it was shitty for me.
“The shittier it feels the more real it is.”
The above quote is from a secret book called “Reality testing heuristics for ardent masochists.”
I used to think a bit more along those kind of nihilistic lines of “there’s no justice in the universe”. But that means that any justice that does exist, is the justice that we have imposed on it. And that’s pretty powerful.
Terry Pratchett captured it well in death’s speech.
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.
“So we can believe the big ones?”
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
“They’re not the same at all!”
YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME…SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.
“Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what’s the point—”
MY POINT EXACTLY.
Justice is a communal lie. It doesn’t exist. Yet, but believing it it, we can make it real.
No they prefer the violence. The just don’t like when it happens to them
Exact conversation with my dad for the past 20 fucking years
My dad used life is not fair as a means to justify how he wasn’t fair to me.
Society – the mechanism by which we human beings organize as a force multiplier against the elements – is fair, or works towards fairness in order to encourage mutual cooperation.
And when we stop being fair, when we exploit or subvert society to serve the few, those elements, from heat or cold to famine to plague to predation, will be right there to divide us and wipe us out one by one.
A short video essay on this:
I really feel bad for all of you who have conservatives in your lives, it feels bad enough to just hear about it all online as someone who never had any conservative family or friend(s) and very, very rarely interact with any IRL.
